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Just like a women

[ website | My college ]
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i have no i dea why i'm writing in this [16 Mar 2007|10:31am]
[ mood | impressed ]

i've had this journal for about 3 or four years, wow .
and i know no one will be reading this, which is all good, cause i'm going to use this as a journal for once.
let see, pasadena city college is okay, It just sucks cause i don't have friends there. It's really hard to make friends when your communting from the scv. It was nice to have a boyfriend last semester, but now that , that is gone, life at school is no fun. But i love my major, i am finally so happy i know what I want to do with my life, that's a relief, even though i'm not fond of the idea of getter older, but who really is? haha my user picture is so old, i was probaly fourteen in that picture. how pathetic was i and narrcissistic was i just to sit there and take pictures of myself. that is why i don't have a myspace, i actcaully did have one, but i realized there really for pathetic people. all people want is others to praise and tell them how hott they are and then that persons ego just gets bigger.I start a new job today with ashlie, working with more kids, which i'm not to thrilled about, but i basically need the money, i have a spending problem. my sister has moved back home, and i wasn't to excited about that, but then she stared telling me that this would be a good chance for us to start bonding, i hope that she is being genuine. my whole family is so bizarre now, i haven't spoken to my father maybe in 2 and a half months, i really don't think he is a good person, it's all about  him, which is sick to me. my mom is losing lots of wait, in which she is getting higher self esteem, and i'm happy for her. alicia is a close person to me, and she is very easy to talk too, but she has a another side, and side that steals, lies, drinks a lot, and munipulates everyone. it is pretty unflattering. and cassie well, she just moved home two days, which if that will make her happy, good for her, she's finally going to college in san diego for the fall, and im happy that she'll get out of this town, and have a real learning experience. she really is a good person, but sometimes i can't see it. ian's going to law school, he has gotten accpetted tp schools around the country, i will miss him, i'm thinking he is going to florida, that is so far. i have noticed i have been so many friends. caryn emily jess and the whole dirt crew are not in my life anymore, but that's my fault. I get really depressed and i cut everyone off, i really wish i didn't do that to them, they were probally the best i have ever met in my life. and if they read this ever, truly you guys are wonderful people, and i'm sorry. lauren and me and no longer best freinds, and i can't be friends with her, we both have changed so much. she's a party girl now, and that phase in my life is completly  done, and i truly don't want to go back to it. and also she is actaully nevermind i'm not going to rant about her to the world. wow, i am a terriable speller. ohh well, but i am still best friends with my darling sunny, and ashlie and vanessa. they are all my life. i feel such a powerful conecction with vanessa and ashlie. and of course me and sunny are just meant to be best friends. but for right now i need to end this entry, due to having to get ready for my new job, untill later.
bye journal.

hippies ran to woodstock

[23 Oct 2005|12:32pm]
i havent been on here in forever or actually the internet too.
well cuz its all gay and this is the end of this chapter of my life.
all i have to leave you with is.....


I am a loser.
I am satan.
I am jesus christ.
I am me.
There are no winners in this FUCKED REALITY.




BITE IT, YOU SCUM.
hippies ran to woodstock

There's no winners in this fucked reality. [13 Aug 2005|01:28pm]
This summer has by far been the best summer of my entire life. And it all ended last night due to the cops. If you think my friends are all drunks and "dirty punks", well fuck you...were more than that. I found my family. It feels so good to know i have a group of people to relate too, get fucked up with and fight and forget about it the next day ( due to not remembering) Hahahaha. Last night just made me relieze i have amazing friends who would try to get themselves burnedout so I wouldn't have to go down. It didn't happen , and i really don't care. Evrything is worth it to me...except the fact that you might get sent to juvi. I love you so much and i have a gut feeling this is all my fault.

gah.

yep [14 Jun 2005|12:16am]
[ mood | HIGHASAKIKE ]

well all i can say isssssss wooo michel jackson isnt going to jail.

smile.
you.
fuckers.


ohhh and alex mandel you call me, im to lazy.

hippies ran to woodstock

im so fuckin speacil [09 May 2005|09:47pm]
[ mood | daslidaldjhald ]

life i good i suposse.
no longer have a job..life of the bagels are history.
im going to new york this weekend for my birthday..ohh joy.
ive beeen dwelling on the past so much and can't get things out of my mind. i misss the "BESTFRIENDFOREVA", she replaced me. and what should i do not have friends no. so i make friends and i become close with loose ppl and she gets all werid with me. she acts like she doesn't noe me ne more. she asked me two days ago what im like now. and if we have ne thing in commmon. ARE YOUFUCKING JOKING ME.WE WERE BEST FRIENDS FOR 10 YEARS AND YOU DONT NOE ME? how does that work. i havent changed. sorry that i dont follow the scene....i guess im not that cool. sorry id rather hang out at a park with people that care about me ,then sit around a group of people who judge me cuz im not SXE. and its funny how when i like something its not so intresting but when someone else likes it its the "cool" thing to do.HYPOCRITE. growup. && that smoking was the grossest thing ever to you and then you started being with your cool older maturer friends it was the accpetable to you and you acted upon yourself to do it too. i loved how we talked about going places together and school and now you change your plans and go off forgetting about me.i guess i wont be ever up to your "cool standards".....
i love the people i have gotton so close with.there my friends i hope forever. but then i think about this experience and relize after high school were all fucked.

i guess i need to get over this friendship but i cant cuz i still care. but i shouldnt cuz you don't.

THISCHAPTER IS OFFICALLY CLOSED.

hippies ran to woodstock

elows rubbing with the moon [13 Apr 2005|10:25pm]
[ mood | barefoot ]

i am in need of my drumcircle.





ectasyyyyyyyyyy.
yesssssssssss.

yoga is relaxing.

edris is a jerkface.

no more ciggs.

time for grilled cheese.

hippies ran to woodstock

on a moonlight drive [16 Mar 2005|03:16pm]
[ mood | irate ]

i really fuckin hate....

2 | hippies ran to woodstock

IM A SOLITARY WOMEN [28 Feb 2005|03:14pm]
[ mood | je'taime? ]

HIM last was amazing once again.

ville did fantastic. he hit some notes pretty damn good.
&&& he lookedd gourgous as ususal.



i was in love with everyone there


i forgot my camera in the car..........so no pictures.
:(


nw,asdjakljsdaljsdaljdlajdaljdakjdakldj


FUCK IM SOOOOOOOOO HAPPY.

why???

who cares.

nothing can bring me down.



lovelovelove

madame jennniiiferrr.

[26 Feb 2005|05:41pm]
got my licence ran over edris.(litterally)

and im the last virgin standing.
4 | hippies ran to woodstock

[13 Feb 2005|08:03pm]
[ mood | okay ]

yep.

saw blood brothers last night.

bomb.


and then we met bam margera.

my life is allmost complete. almost.

my mom totally critized eevry thing about me tonight.

i have to controll my temper else no san luis bispo.

fuck.

valentines day tommorrow.

get fucked up?
yep.

peace<<3

1 | hippies ran to woodstock

[09 Feb 2005|06:17pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

february is mi month i swear.
nothing is fucked up.
im actally satisfied with my friends....lets see how long this last.
i cant wait will the 4 day weekend. get to go to san luis bispio with the only people i care about...(with expection of two others).

tommorrow miss facko and I are seeing rise against, and tsunami bomb....and alexisonfire(< lame0).
and i might go to san diego friday to see that show again, but not to
shure yet.


these past two weekends have been bitchin. yeah thats right bitchin.

dyed mi hair. yep. its hawt.
mr. robles stole us like 120 dollars worth of glasses even more bitchin.



i hope everything stays satifying. im so sick of being all depressed&&& hope to start hanging out with old friends.


late<3

4 | hippies ran to woodstock

[20 Jan 2005|06:09pm]
[ mood | bite it ]

well you win some and you lose some....in this case i lost every thing.





gah....



fuck.



i hate saying this but i am offically hating life right now.

1 | hippies ran to woodstock

she was a good girl [10 Jan 2005|09:38pm]
[ mood | dig me now, fuck me later ]

well i guess i got what i wanted i'm all alone and friendless.

&
&
&

it sucks.

5 | hippies ran to woodstock

love is blind. love is cool. im not a FOOL. [03 Jan 2005|04:26pm]
[ mood | mehh ]

i can't can't can't believe it 2000 fuckin 5.

im gonna misss 2004. it was the year i relized everything.
i made a lot of friends...then towrds the year we stopped talking.
thats how life goes. i relized noone is acutally your friend.

2004 brought a lot to mi mind......for instance.


people always run away from there feelings ive noticed.
but i guess we fear violence less than our own feelings. personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict.



----------------------------------

people are afraid of themselves-of their own reality-their feelings most of all. people talk about how great love is, but thats bullshit. love hurts. feelings are distrubing. people are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. how can they deal with love is they're afraid to feel?
but people fear death more than pain. its strange that ppl fear death. life hurts a lot more than death.

as jim morrison would say " at the point of death, the pain is over. yeah i guess it is a friend......my only friend the end."

this year is going to be differnt im not going to freight about having friends. i dont want all the baggage that comes with friendships, cuz everything gets fucked up in the end. i really just don't have trust anymore.




the end.

[31 Dec 2004|10:08am]
[ mood | ewe ]

i'm so tired.
//
mi family is realllyy annoying me.
//
they will be gone in like 3 days . yes.
//
i'm so bored with my life..there isn't anything exciting happening.
//
i reallly dont want to go back to harttt. i gonnna runaway. but fuck i cant, my parents won't let me drive .
//
tonight.. hopefullly something fun goes down. i neeed some fun. yep.
//
i hate new years cuz new years mean growing up./././././ i can't cope with that.
//
i neeed a lover.

1 | hippies ran to woodstock

scream you whiny bastard [05 Dec 2004|05:35pm]
[ mood | meh?? ]

um yeah i really like mi friends.

and i really do love seeing HIM in concert.

i like being a little cunt bitch.

i like nightmare before chirstmas.

i like watching finding neverland.

i like being the only who is me.

i like ucla even though they lost.

i like all my series of unfortunate event books.(yeah i'm 5)

butt i really hate thinking that..all those times ive had..that i will
never get them back ever ever ever again.

fuck

fuck

i miss things.

but meh shit chnanges.

ohh and i really love red hot chilli peppers.


ohhh & stop thinking your jesus christ.

11 | hippies ran to woodstock

[02 Dec 2004|04:13pm]
fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckm fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck









the fuckin H.I.M was cancelleed











fuck
3 | hippies ran to woodstock

tra alalalala you got to kiss the girl [30 Nov 2004|06:24pm]
[ mood | yayyy for harry potter ]

guuueesss whattt???

 

Lauren and I are seeing H.I.M on thursday behbeh.

yeah be jealous.

smile like you mean itCollapse )

5 | hippies ran to woodstock

[16 Nov 2004|04:47pm]
[ mood | nerdy ]

You Know You're Addicted to Harry Potter When...

You make a wand and try to use it.

You call your least favorite teacher Snape.

You call your favorite teacher Dumbledore.

You wear robes to school or work.

You make "floo powder", get in the fire, and try to go to your friends' house.

You have read all the books more than four times.

You've been bookstore at midnight to get the latest Harry Potter book before all your friends.

... And then you stayed up all night wearing it.

You've worn a Harry Potter costume in public.

You have a crush on one of the Harry Potter characters.

You've gotten at least one of your friends addicted to Harry Potter.

You actually caught the "Wand Order" mistake before you heard/read about it.

You are upset at the New York Times for creating a seperate childrens best seller list because of the Harry Potter books.

Using clues in the book, you have attempted to find the exact geographical location of Hogwarts.

You have constructed a timeline of events in the Harry Potter books.

You have attempted to figure out the exact ages of all the Weasley children?

You have spent time contemplating which main characters will die by the time the series is over.

You've been to see all the Harry Potter movies on opening night. (Bonus points for standing in line in costume!)

You've read Harry Potter fanfic.

You've written Harry Potter fanfic.

You run a Harry Potter fansite.

You visit The Leaky Cauldron daily.

You've met other Harry Potter fans from online in real life.

You've participated in a Harry Potter RPG.

You've dreamed about Harry Potter.

You have a Harry Potter poster on your wall.

Each Halloween, there's no question what you'll dress up as...!

You've spent time doing a timeline to see if you would have been old enough to date a certain character when you were in high school.

You've vacationed to London, simply to search for the Leaky Cauldron.

You own a black lab named Sirius Black.

You've knitted a Weasley sweater or Harry Potter scarf.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends who are addicted to Harry Potter.

 

I must not have a life cuz so much of this is me.

spankywerock

<<3

smile like you mean it [14 Nov 2004|06:59pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

i need to leave my house,

today in the car  my mom and brother made me go over the edge and i screamed. screamed so hard that now my voice hurts.

then my mom thinks she can just buy me off.

gah i need some comfort right now.

ah aparently lynard skynard was singing at castatic or something. i wanna see them damnit.

&&&my weekend was pretty lame.

wizard of oz is on tonight. wooot wooot.

 

<<3mrs. mojo risin

3 | hippies ran to woodstock

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